Thank you so much for writing such an insightful and helpful article, as I identify with 99.9999% of everything your experience. Thanks to my wonderful wife, @kristinrussell for sharing with me 🤘🤘
Thanks so much for writing this—I’m sending it to several loved ones. “No one likes to do things that come with a slimy layer of shame.” Car recalls… I have severe avoidance around that one. Delightful footnotes!
Thank YOU! This felt good to write and I appreciate your encouragement to post here. Connecting my aversions to the physical feelings of them has been a really helpful process for me. There's always physical feelings, but I never noticed them.
"No one likes to do things that come with a slimy layer of shame" made so much sense to me, yet I had not thought of it that way before and it was so affirming. I appreciate what you wrote both as someone who has anxiety and the mom of someone with ADHD ❤️
I feel like so much of ADHD is treated as random quirks instead of reasonable cause and effect that comes from being a person who thinks differently. But it has helped me so much to see my responses as sensical and normal in the correct context.
I have never met anyone who feels the same way about To Do lists!! I was just diagnosed with ADHD 4 months ago at 45 (it wasn’t even on my radar until 40) and allll the advice everywhere is to write everything you need to do down and get it out if your head. So I would do that and be totally stressed, paralyzed, and do nothing. I now just write down the most important things (I will forget if I don’t) and even though I still have to override my instincts to not do it, it feels less stressful then alll things. Thanks for sharing and love that you a doing a Substack - it reminds me of the old blogger days too!
Oh! Welcome to the club! A lot of ADHD advice was unfortunately not created by people with ADHD and/or is geared toward helping the person with ADHD act like a neurotypical person. ADHD 2.0, How to ADHD, and ADHD for Smart Ass Women are three more recent books that are by/for ADHDers. One of the biggest helps for me in recent years was to think about the things I don't like doing on a granular level to figure out what it is I don't like. For example, I would put off going to bed for hours because I didn't feel like brushing my teeth. But then I realized that I just don't like the sound of an electric toothbrush in my head, so I switched to a manual toothbrush and it has been easier to get ready for bed.
I listened to ADHD 2.0 4 years ago, broke down in tears and felt so validated. It’s what started me on this journey! Thanks for the tips and the welcome!
That's wonderful! It's such a great book! It's actually the reason we got Roxy. I'd always intended to take some time to travel, etc. after Stella died, but she died a year into the pandemic and I was really suffering by not having a dog. So when I read the discussion about how people with ADHD need pets, I was like, "That's it. I need a dog."
Yes! We had to put down our dog in 2022 and even though I’m not a cat person we ended up with 2 cats and partially because of that book and my kids - I could see how good it was for them (and ultimately for me!)
Thank you so much for writing such an insightful and helpful article, as I identify with 99.9999% of everything your experience. Thanks to my wonderful wife, @kristinrussell for sharing with me 🤘🤘
Oh! Your wife is wonderful! She's the one who encouraged me to start writing here. I'm really happy that this was helpful!
Thanks so much for writing this—I’m sending it to several loved ones. “No one likes to do things that come with a slimy layer of shame.” Car recalls… I have severe avoidance around that one. Delightful footnotes!
Thank YOU! This felt good to write and I appreciate your encouragement to post here. Connecting my aversions to the physical feelings of them has been a really helpful process for me. There's always physical feelings, but I never noticed them.
"No one likes to do things that come with a slimy layer of shame" made so much sense to me, yet I had not thought of it that way before and it was so affirming. I appreciate what you wrote both as someone who has anxiety and the mom of someone with ADHD ❤️
I feel like so much of ADHD is treated as random quirks instead of reasonable cause and effect that comes from being a person who thinks differently. But it has helped me so much to see my responses as sensical and normal in the correct context.
PDA kids (autonomously, in your own time) unite! 😊
I agree! (because I want to)
I have never met anyone who feels the same way about To Do lists!! I was just diagnosed with ADHD 4 months ago at 45 (it wasn’t even on my radar until 40) and allll the advice everywhere is to write everything you need to do down and get it out if your head. So I would do that and be totally stressed, paralyzed, and do nothing. I now just write down the most important things (I will forget if I don’t) and even though I still have to override my instincts to not do it, it feels less stressful then alll things. Thanks for sharing and love that you a doing a Substack - it reminds me of the old blogger days too!
Oh! Welcome to the club! A lot of ADHD advice was unfortunately not created by people with ADHD and/or is geared toward helping the person with ADHD act like a neurotypical person. ADHD 2.0, How to ADHD, and ADHD for Smart Ass Women are three more recent books that are by/for ADHDers. One of the biggest helps for me in recent years was to think about the things I don't like doing on a granular level to figure out what it is I don't like. For example, I would put off going to bed for hours because I didn't feel like brushing my teeth. But then I realized that I just don't like the sound of an electric toothbrush in my head, so I switched to a manual toothbrush and it has been easier to get ready for bed.
I listened to ADHD 2.0 4 years ago, broke down in tears and felt so validated. It’s what started me on this journey! Thanks for the tips and the welcome!
That's wonderful! It's such a great book! It's actually the reason we got Roxy. I'd always intended to take some time to travel, etc. after Stella died, but she died a year into the pandemic and I was really suffering by not having a dog. So when I read the discussion about how people with ADHD need pets, I was like, "That's it. I need a dog."
Yes! We had to put down our dog in 2022 and even though I’m not a cat person we ended up with 2 cats and partially because of that book and my kids - I could see how good it was for them (and ultimately for me!)
Hi.
HI NEIL! :)
Thank you for the honesty, and the perspective. Also, beautifully written. (Of course.)
Thank you so much, Jay! I really appreciate it!